Blog Post: # I’m actually not keeping count

Hi loves,

Dreams are as weird as they are beautiful.

In high school, my psychology teacher told me that if I wanted to remember more of my dreams each night, keep a dream journal next to my bed and write them down once I wake up. But, because it’s 2019, I do this in the Notes or OneNote app on my phone.

Photo by Pixabay

I don’t record them all. I have a track record of not being very good with routines. Or remembering. Or remembering routines (a bit of a paradox. I hear it now).

But everyone once in a while, one stands out. Reason being, there’s an ex somewhere in it.

I don’t have many exes, which should come as no surprise. I bought peel and stick tile for a backsplash because actual tile was too heavy a commitment.

Technically, I have 2. The third is “technically” not an ex, but that’s my fault. We still had a lot of good times, we loved each other, amazing smex…so I count him. Hopefully, none of their wives are reading this now but, oh well. It’s not like there’s been smex during their marriages. I see no point in sharing men when, statistically speaking, there are at least 6 more guys in the world who look like Chris Hemsworth, and at least 1 more as sweet as Tom Hiddleston (#futurebae because I adore his face and kindness).

…lost my train of thought…

Oh, the dream.

So, in this dream, I’m “in town.” I don’t know where this is and I don’t know what I’m in town for, but I’m there because my ex invited me to stay at his place. Also there is a friend of his and this friend’s sister. In my dream, she had a name (with a hyphen) but I can’t recall it now.

Throughout the dream, and my going back and forth to this mysterious event, I get the sense that my ex has feelings for this girl. And it’s not because he always wants to go with her, wherever she’s going, every time she leaves the house. It’s just a feeling he’s trying to tap into feelings he’s had for her ever since they were young.

This makes me hella uncomfortable because, in my dream, he IS married. And I immediately start to pack to leave because I feel myself wanting to interfere.

So, while him, his friend, and the friend’s sister are out, I try to pack quickly so I’m not there when they get back. Unfortunately, it’s not quick enough and while I’m still packing, he comes through the door.

I tell myself, “Don’t say anything. Don’t interfere.” And I’m almost successful until, in the middle of walking through the door, I turn back, grab his attention, and say, “No.”

And it’s a firm, “No.”

He nods.

I say, “No,” again and in that no, he understands that I know he still has feelings for the friend’s sister, but that I’m reminding him he’s married and is in a good marriage so don’t fcuk this up.

After that, I leave. But because I’ve already released the cock-blocking demon, I find the girl. I refer to her by all three names. I tell her my theory about his feelings. Then, she starts shaking her head. She starts to scream. I get the sense she has/had feelings for him too, never acted on them, and now realizes he’s married.

Now, this is the part of the dream that is the most accurate representation of my personality.

As she’s screaming, I slowly walk backwards, away from her, toward the woods. And I keep walking, innately knowing there’ll eventually be stairs on the other side where I’ll be able to take a train to get home.

I get there. The train comes. But, because I’m standing in an area on the platform where there is no access to the train’s door when it stops, I can’t get on.

And I wake up.

I hope I have entertained you on this episode of Alex’s TMI Chronicles.




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